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Masturbation

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Does masturbation make me less responsive in bed? (written by Yvonne, Fulbright MS.Ed.)  

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Masturbation (written by other sexperts)

HTHGS: Does masturbation make me less responsive in bed? (written by Yvonne, Fulbright MS.Ed.)

Ask Yvonne,
I recently started to have sex with my new boyfriend.  We are very open with each other (because we knew each other for six years before dating) and openly talk about what does and does not please us sexually.  He is the second person I have had sex with.  With the other man, I was able to have orgasms from sex, at first.  After starting to have sex with the first guy, I started to explore my own body for the first time.  I started masturbating, and a few months after that I no longer had orgasms from sex.  When I masturbate, I focus a lot of attention on my clitoris.  I was wondering if maybe I made myself less sensitive from masturbating in between boyfriends.  And if there is a way that I can relearn how to have orgasms again from sex again, especially since I used to be able to.
Thanks,
Hoping to regain abilities.

Dear Hoping to Regain Abilities,
My first take on your situation is to wonder what you think about masturbation.  What were the messages you got about touching your body growing up?  If you were taught that it was shameful, dirty, sinful – basically negative – then your body may be suppressing its sexual response out of guilt.  Try to train yourself to think that masturbation is a perfectly normal, healthy activity that helps people to feel good and that helps to relieve stress.  Take the time to read literature on masturbation, whether it’s how-to or personal stories of self-pleasuring.  Furthermore, make sure that you have complete privacy when you masturbate.  Worrying about noise or disruption can ruin the moment and any hopes for climax.  Lastly, ask yourself some tough questions about your relationship.  The problem may not be your self-pleasuring or sexual response cycle, rather issues that are going on in your relationship and/or a lack of attraction for your partner. 
Yvonne Fulbright MS.Ed.

 

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The Founder: Alex Robboy, LCSW, QSW, CAS
Alex Robboy is a certified sex therapist through the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists and an American Board Certified Sexologist. In addition, she is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists.

 

  Our Philosophy sex is like dancing, it changes every time. It depends on culture, atmosphere and mood. Sometimes it is done alone, with a partner or in a group. It can be fast and hard or slow and soft. Sex is a combination of non-verbal negotiation and verbal cues: a scream, a twitch of the toes, or a flush of the face. There is no one 'right' way to move, only what feels good to all those involved. 
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last updated April 27, 05