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Deceit
 | My girlfriend used ‘sex’ to get me (Written by Shan & Claude) |
| Letter to the editor RE: My girlfriend used 'sex' to get me (written by a subscriber) |
| Deceit |
| Communication |
HTHGS: My girlfriend used
‘sex’ to get me (Written by Shan & Claude)
Ask Shan & Claude,
Hi, I am a frustrated 21-year-old male.
I have been with my g/f for 8 months and I know I truly love her, but
that is not the problem. See when
we first met she ended up giving me her first actual blowjob.
She told me a few months later that the only reason she did it was
because she wanted ME! So now since
she knows she has me she rarely gives me any sexual attention at all unless I am
persistent about it. We ended up
having sex also but I think I got her to do that :(.
So pretty much what I am saying is that if I just stopped trying to be
sexual with her then I think she'd be absolutely fine with it.
It bothers me a lot too because she'll constantly tease me by fondling me
but then just stop. Also, the
second biggest issue is the fact that I ca not touch her.
She does not desire any sexual favors at and will rarely let me touch or
lick anywhere on her body. I do not
understand it at all. How can she
not feel comfortable or whatever it is after 8 months?
I just want to know what I can do for all these situations?
I want her to open up more and enjoy sexual contact and to also stop
teasing me and pleasure me more often. thank
you, horny and confused
Dear horny and confused,
It sounds like there is a major discrepancy between what you want and need and
what she wants and needs. There are infinite possibilities to explain what may be going
on. Many times women in our culture
are taught to use sex as a tool to getting or keeping men and are often not
taught about sex for pleasure or enjoyment.
Sometimes they are taught that if they actually enjoy it then they are
dirty or a slut. It is sad when sex
becomes a weapon or a bartered item. But,
what is going on between you and your partner seems to be much more than about
sex! It seems that you are
concerned with intimacy, pleasure, touch and many other issues that go far
beyond just intercourse. We would
recommend that you tell your partner what you have told us.
Your question was very well written.
You are articulate and have every right to be confused and upset and
horny. The main point is that
before she could possibly explore more sexual pleasure with you she must know
that there is a problem. If you
don’t tell her how will she know? There is never a specific time for people to feel comfortable
and sometimes people who have been taught to avoid and hate sex take decades (if
ever) to learn to overcome the powerful messages of sex being bad and wrong.
After you communicate your needs and feelings you can both decide how to
proceed in the relationship and see if it can fulfill both of your mutual needs.
Shan & Claude
Letter to the editor,
reading this letter was amazing thank you to the person who wrote it. I am
really interested in this subject as I am a survivor perhaps still working
through things but I see the light at the end of the tunnel and I wont to get
there with what ever it brings. the writer mentioned some web sites for this
subject have been unable to find them would be grateful for any suggestions and
to the systems of the survivor.
Thank you
